Thursday, March 24, 2005

Top Puns Pun Contest ?

Have you seen the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest ?

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says: "DAM."

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly, it
sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal? Transcend
dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the
office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I
can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has identical twins and places them for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"
them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close
up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath.

This made him... A super callused fragile mystic
plagued by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh.

"No pun in ten did."

1 comment:

JeepGuyMike said...

The frair joke produced a memory from years gone by... I'll e-mail it to you in hopes that it may be number eleven.